Scars and Stories
by Otomefeels
Summary: Zombie AU. So original, I know.
1. Chapter 1

You don't know what the human being is capable of before you see it with your own eyes.

First, you don't believe it. People, friends, family, no matter if they're someone you've known your entire life or just for five minutes, if pushed enough, they're prepared to kill you. Once you've seen it, experienced what it's like to be betrayed, hunted and fought with for a chance of survival, you lose your faith in humanity. People go crazy, turn animalistic and you find yourself thinking and doing things you never thought you would.

It's all about survival.

Even though I've several times thought, what's the point?

They have no idea how it started but there was a sudden outbreak, starting in the country side and then quickly moving on to more populated areas. Once it reached the major cities, chaos erupted all over the world.

The movies were right, we were facing our apocalypse.

The rain was pouring down.

''Get them up against the wall!'' The soldier yelled as he pushed the last man down into the mud.

Fear made most of them panic, a few yelling and begging for mercy while other's seemed to have accepted the situation or simply didn't know how to react. They were the last residents of the camp which got attacked last night. Many hadn't made it out and several had been bitten. It was only a matter of time before they would turn and join the endless horde of walkers.

In the beginning, they would have checked the survivors first to see if any of them were unharmed. But that was a long gone method. Now, the policy was shoot first and ask later. It was a policy everyone followed.

I looked up from my hiding spot in the ditch. The dirt had turned into mud and whatever part of me hadn't been soaked from the rain, the water in the ditch took care of the rest. I pushed myself up on my elbow, careful not to be seen, and managed to stay in that position without slipping in the mud. It was a dreadful position but I had to see.

The begging voices mixed with the yelling and once the soldier's got impatient, groans and whimpers joined them. They were forced up on their feet and stood facing the brick wall. They slumped their shoulders, some still crying and yelling, and one man raised his head to look at the sky.

Then the soldier yelled the kill command.

I flinched when the sounds made my ears ring and I cringed. I lost my footing and slipped in the mud. I choked on a small gasp and slipped down, landing in the muddy water. I grimaced from the coldness and quickly tried to get up without making too much noise. Soldiers were surely patrolling the area and the last thing I wanted was to attract their attention. It was a battle to climb the steep wall of mud and even as I dug my fingers into the wall, the mud made it impossible to properly climb. Once I finally reached the top, I was breathing quickly and the strange mixture of rain and sweat running down my face made me shake.

I had to get away.

You learned a lot when a mistake could result in a painful death. Since all of this had started, I had learned how to shoot, survive without food, basic survival skills and how to judge peoples trustability. Learning how to sneak had turned out to be one of the best skills to learn. You could avoid walkers and people, making it absolutely necessary in situations like these.

I crouched down on the ground, my gaze quickly scanning my surroundings as I tried to spot any movement in the heavy rain. The rain was making it hard to hear sounds properly and the mud was making everything else harder. I struggled as I sneaked closer to a warehouse ruin. The floor had collapsed in the basement and the opening lead to the sewers. It was an infamous way of getting in and out of the now abandoned camp Salvation and it was my only way of escape. The problem was, I had never met anyone who had actually used it yet and I hadn't been here long enough to see someone come through it. Even so, it was a risk I was not only willing to take but I had to.

After making sure the coast was clear, I snuck across what had once been a small parking lot and slipped inside the open doors. The rain drummed against the metal roof, again making it hard to hear anything. The power had been gone for a while and the warehouse was left in a never ending darkness. When the sun was out, the small holes in the roof would provide some light but the dark clouds prevented that easily.

I held my breath as I looked around and listened. My pulse drummed in my ears as I judged it to be safe enough to move once I heard the sound of vehicles outside. The soldiers were retreading, hopefully, or calling in for back up. The first group had gotten here quickly after the camp had been attacked by raiders and then left with a ruined fence and walkers attracted to the sound. I had quickly seen my chance to escape, probably leaving some people I could have helped but as selfish as it sounded, I wasn't allowed to die.

Not yet.

''The warehouse is empty, sir.''

A voice above me made me stop dead in my tracks and I stayed completely still. My glance moved upwards and I quickly spotted the soldier who was standing directly above me on the stairway. I ducked down, hoping to disappear into the shadows with a racing heartbeat and wait for him to leave. It was often a game of patience but so far, I still hadn't lost.

''Copy that. Return to the assembly point.'' Another voice sounded from his walkie-talkie.

''Understood, sir.'' The soldier responded and started moving.

I listened to his heavy boots move across the metal as he started to walk down the stairs. I held my breath again, afraid to make even the slightest noise, and moved my hand to the machete in my belt. I was prepared to defend myself if necessary but if it was avoidable, it would be most preferred. I didn't move until I couldn't hear the footsteps anymore and then, I didn't waste any time in getting downstairs to the basement.

It was impossible to miss the caved in floor. The hole it had left was quite impressive. I eyed it for a while before judging it to be safe enough when shouting outside reminded me of the current situation. It would be near impossible not to make some sort of sound while reaching the sewer entrance. The steep hill was made up of broken concrete and dirt, making it hard to find proper footing and anything loose would fall down and into the sewer, which still had some water in it.

I took a deep breath before taking the first step. My assumption about the noise level quickly turned out to be true as the first piece of concrete tumbled down the side when I tried to find some proper footing. My glance shot back to the staircase, awaiting anyone curious enough to check out the noise, but no one came. My attention went back to my feet while my hands gripped the edge of the still solid concrete.

''You can do it.'' I whispered to myself before taking another step.

I stood still for one second, then I felt the dirt crumble beneath my weight. This time, I couldn't keep a surprised gasp back as I was basically sliding down the rubble. A groan left my lips as I hit the bottom and I barely saved myself from falling directly into the water. Clinging to the edge, I took a few quick and hasty breaths while trying to do some damage report.

Nothing was broken and nothing felt sprained. There was a dull pain in my shoulder and I could feel several cuts bleeding on my arms and collarbone but there was nothing preventing me from moving. I lay still and waited for any sounds from people approaching but once again, no one came. After letting out a sigh, I took a moment to recuperate and then slowly lowered myself down into the sewer. The water was freezing cold and reached my knees. It would slow me down but the darkness was the biggest of my problems.

I couldn't see a thing.

Cursing beneath my breath, I searched my pockets to find the lighter I knew I had somewhere. It was one of the last possessions I owned and it had definitely saved my life several times. My fingers located the cold metal case and I quickly brought it out. My cold fingers struggled to get it open and then managing to light the flame but once they succeeded, the small flame provided enough light for me to see a few feet ahead of me. I started walking, telling myself I would get used to the cold water, and tried to scout ahead. Despite the light provided, it was impossible to see how the sewers went in the darkness and I let my free hand touch the wall as I moved. My fingers were already feeling numb from the coldness but I could feel the bumpy concrete beneath my fingertips.

I don't know how long I walked. It felt like hours but it would easily have been mere minutes. Time was hard to keep track of without a functioning watch and finding one of those was a rare occasion. Even so, I hadn't lost all hope of seeing daylight again, not until the lighter flickered and I came to a stop.

''No, no, no, no! Shit, you can't die down here.'' I mumbled and tried working my fingers over the small wheel again. The sparks flew but no flame grew and after fumbling about for a moment, I gave up. ''Fuck.'' I groaned in defeat and threw my head back, trying to think of a plan. The only thing I could come up with was having a hand on each side of the wall as I moved. I listened to my own breathing and the water each time I took a step. Being left in complete darkness was a fear I had learned to cope with but it didn't make it any easier. My pulse was racing and I could feel sweat tickling down my neck and following my spine. All I could do was to trust the walls and blindly hope that I wouldn't make a sudden drop. The mere thought of falling again made me swallow hard and I desperately tried to push the thought away.

Then I slipped.

For the first time in a while, I screamed as I lost my footing and fell backwards. It wasn't a drop but the sewers had started to go down steeply. My back hit the ground and then my head followed, the pain making me groan, and then the water carried me downstream. I struggled not to swallow the dark water as I was being carried away by it into the unknown. I was promptly panicking and tried to stop myself but the walls were too slippery to even gain some sort of grip. As I tried yet again and reached my arm out, something sharp ran across my arm and I choked on a groan. The skin was cut across a previous and not yet healed wound, making my whole arm throb and burn as I finally reached the end of the surprise waterslide.

I used my feet to kick me up and keeping me from going completely under water. I held back sobs and groans while breathing quickly and trying to find some platform so I could get out of the water. For the first time in weeks, I felt somewhat lucky when my uninjured hand seemed to have found a possibility to my right side. I used what little strength I had left to drag myself up on the platform and then promptly collapsed, clutching my injured arm against my chest.

Despite having closed my eyes, I knew my vision was blurry and I could feel my head starting to give up. The bump from earlier was definitely not going to go unnoticed and I desperately struggled to keep awake.

''This way. I'm sure I heard something.''

**Oh no.**

''The sewer probably just dragged a walker down again. The heavy rain has raised the water level.''

''Even if it's just a walker, I'm not going to just leave it here. It's too dangerous.''

The voices argued as they moved closer and I could just barely make out two light cones ahead. I forced myself up while my left hand went to find the machete. I knew it was no use using my left but my right was throbbing like a bitch even without being moved. Using my left was the best I could do.

I put my feet apart; entering the only fighting stance I knew and kept my eyes on the direction the voices were approaching from. My quick breathing mixed with the sound of their footsteps and I braced myself for a possible encounter.

''See? I told you there was no-'' The annoyed sounding voice started while the two light cones swept the room but it instantly stopped when one of them found me. The light effectively blinded me and I narrowed my eyes so I would still be able to at least see something. ''Shit.''

''I swear to God, if you move one inch closer to me, I will kill you.'' I breathed and glared at the two men. They were around my age, one brunette and one ravenette, both tall and built. Their clothes were surprisingly clean and in good condition, something you rarely saw these days.

''I wouldn't be making death threats if I was outnumbered.'' The ravenette spoke while returning my stare.

''There's no need to fight.'' The brunette spoke and took a step closer to me.

''Stop!'' I groaned and pointed the machete directly at him while breathing quickly. ''I told you-''

''You're injured pretty badly there.'' He spoke and gestured to my arm.

''It's nothing.'' I mumbled and took a step back out of precaution. The machete was heavy in my hand but I couldn't tell if my hand shook because of that or because of the throbbing pain in my head and arm. ''Just… just tell me the way out.''

''Hey, are you sure you're alright?'' The worry in the brunette's eyes surprised me quite a bit but I reminded myself not to fall for any tricks. ''You don't look too good.''

''Just leave her, Kenshi.'' The ravenette grumbled. ''Boss's going to wonder where we're at soon.''

''She's bleeding badly, Riki, I'm not just gonna leave her here.''

''I-… The way out…'' I mumbled, well aware that I was losing the battle of staying conscious.

''Let's bring her back with us.'' The man called Kenshi turned to Riki as they started debating and despite wanting to protest to the idea, I couldn't say anything. My vision was turning black and I felt myself stagger. ''Hey… Hey!'' I could hear him raise his voice and then move once I felt my body hit the ground. I heard the machete land next to me as it had left my hand midair. A pair of hands grabbed me but I was too gone to move or say anything.

Then I was left to the darkness again.

_''__You have to run! You have to survive!''_

_''__I can't leave you behind!'' _

_''__Do it!''_

_''__No! I-''_

_''__I'll never forgive you if you don't!''_

My body jerked in shock as I regained consciousness, reminding me of the dull pain and sore muscles. I let out a slight groan before I let my eyes wander around the room, trying to figure out where I was, but before I could fully scan the room, my gaze met someone else's and my body tensed up. I ignored the pain as I stared at the man who was sitting next to me. His hand was closed around my injured arm while he was looking at me with a surprised expression.

I recognized him as Kenshi but before I said a word, I jerked my injured arm away from him, letting out a muffled groan from the pain.

''Don't touch me.'' I growled and glared at him.

_What if he saw?_

''Relax. I was just taking care of your arm.'' He sighed and then offered me a small smile. ''I'm just trying to help you, please don't cause a scene.''

I felt my body relax somewhat while my thoughts ran wildly. What if he had seen my secret? I bit lip. No, if he had, he would have reacted by now and he surely wouldn't be smiling.

''I can take care of myself.'' I mumbled once I had settled on the fact that he hadn't seen it and eyed him carefully. It had been a while since I had actually looked properly at person, study their features, notice their eye and hair color while their face wasn't covered in dirt and dried blood. The first thing that struck me was how kind he looked. He was still smiling at me, looking like someone who had no idea about what the world had become. ''Why is it you can smile in a situation like this?'' I asked, for whatever reason feeling provoked by what seemed his easy going nature. He wasn't allowed to be content in such a horrible world.

''Because I don't believe that the world has ended yet, unlike almost everyone else.'' He smiled and his eyes caught mine.

His words left me dumbstruck and I had absolutely no idea what to say. I was baffled, to say at least, how could he not have given up yet? Had he not properly witness what humans were capable of? I felt strangely angry and maybe even jealous as well. He still had something I had lost.

Unable to find any kind of reply, I escaped his gentle eyes and my eyes sought downwards. They stopped as they found my injured arm. The dried blood had caked around the wound, making it hard to estimate how bad the damage was, and it was effectively hiding the older wound beneath it. I let out an exhale of relief, there was no way he could have seen it then.

''Would you mind telling me what happened?'' I glanced back up at him and found him studying me with a soft gaze. ''You're not the first one we've found in the sewers but your timing was rather odd and you're not in a very good condition either.'' He hummed while gesturing to my arm and glancing at the cuts on my upper body. ''You're from the Salvation camp, aren't you?'' He asked me once I had stayed silent and our eyes met again.

For the first time in a while, I felt like trusting someone.

I shook my head shortly before speaking, unconsciously lowering my voice despite being alone in the room with him. ''I've only been there for a week, then we got attacked by raiders…'' I started speaking but paused as he leaned forwards and the sound of metal clinging together. The sound caught my attention and my eyes quickly spotted the dog tags hiding beneath the tank top he was wearing.

''You're a fox…'' I breathed while my hand reached for my machete. His glance followed my hand as it moved down and the tension made the air thick. We fell dead silent during the few seconds it took for my hand to reach nothing but empty space. My breathing hitched once I realized how defenseless I was and my brain struggled to come up with some sort of escape plan.

''Hey…'' He spoke cautiously while slowly standing up, looking like he was getting ready to protect himself.

If the rumors I had heard about the Black Foxes were true, then I had absolutely no intention of getting in a fight with him. I braced myself to move, still not fully knowing why or how, but I knew the situation had just turned dangerous. In the split second he started to reach for something behind him, I jumped up. Ignoring the pain and soreness, I jumped across the bad and past him, rushing through the room and pushing the door open. While huffing loudly, I found myself in what seemed to be their base and several people turned to look at me. I stared at them wide eyed for a split second or two before beginning to run again. I had to get out.

I had to get away.

''Hey!'' Kenshi yelled behind me as he followed me through the base and then he started to yell names.

By then, my attention had moved elsewhere and my focus was on finding a way out. I turned down what looked like a small hallway and made my way into the darkness, passing the remaining people who were looking at me in awe and surprise.

''Shit… Shit!'' I groaned as I was stopped by a fence twice my height and I fanatically turned around, trying to spot some other way out. Footsteps were rapidly approaching me and I didn't bother to count them as I turned around, facing them like a cornered animal. I sneered at them while clenching my hands into fists. Two familiar faces and a third, unknown one stared at me in frustration and anger. I knew it was pointless to fight them but it wasn't in my nature to give up easily.

''I told you we should have left her.'' Riki sneered and aimed his pistol at me. ''Nothing but fucking trouble.''

''Calm down, Riki.'' Kenshi mumbled to him and took a step forwards, causing me tense up. ''Look, we're not who you think we are and you really need help so-'' He spoke as he moved closer to me with a reassuring smile.

''Shut up!'' I growled and backed up, ending up with my back against the fence. ''Listen, I know who you guys are and-!'' I yelled furiously but my voice cracked the instant I felt someone grab me from the other side of the fence. I quickly turned my head and came face to face with a rotting one and I caught my breath.

''Walker's!'' Someone yelled while I finally got myself to move.

I jumped away from the fence but the grip on my arm was relentless and kept me within range. I let out a frightened groan as I struggled to get free while the walker grunted at me while its mouth moved closer to my arm. I tried yanking my arm free again but it was no use and the mouth moved closer. Teeth were inches from breaking my skin when the shot rang out. The grip on my arm was loosened before it was completely shaken off and I fell backwards. I landed on the ground and watched as the walker fell to the ground with a bullet hole right in its forehead.

I listened to my own huffing while looking upwards, finding Kenshi standing with a pistol still aimed at where the walker's head had been. He exhaled deeply and then glanced at me.

''I think you owe me the chance to explain myself.'' The bastard smiled at me, causing me to frown and press my lips together.

I knew I couldn't get out of this now.

''So, what now, you're gonna babysit me here?'' I glanced up at him as he was leaning against the door I had rushed out of earlier. He stood with his hands hidden in the pockets of the dark green military pants and one of his heavy boots placed against the door as he was watching me. I was back on the bed, facing away from him while cleaning the wound on my arm. After arguing with him for a solid five minutes, he had finally given me some space and moved to where he was currently standing.

''We're not interested in having you run off again.'' He shrugged and studied my face. ''If you're gonna be trouble then we're going to treat you like this.''

I muttered a few curse words before looking back down on my arm. The wound was edged and not too deep, but unless I wanted to wait for months, the skin had to be sewn back together for it to heal quicker. To make it worse, the cut ran straight down between the two circle shaped teeth marks, forcing me to stretch a still not healed wound. I chewed on my lip in frustration while glancing at the first aid kit next to me. I had already disinfected it so all that was left, was to sew it up.

I glanced at Kenshi again and our eyes met instantly.

''Could you leave or are you going to stay here while I'm going to sew in myself?'' I grumbled and kept my eyes on him.

To my surprise, he let out a small sigh. ''Look, I know it's not normal to be even slightly friendly anymore but you're my responsibility here. I'm not saying we should be best friends but you could at least drop the shitty attitude. I'm not your enemy.'' He ran a hand through his hair as he kept his eyes on me. For the first time, he actually looked tired and that he belonged in this fucked up world.

I felt the tension in my face fade as I watched him. I wasn't fully aware why, but I wanted to believe him. Truthfully, friendship was definitively not a high priority for me and if all the rumors I had heard were true, the Black Foxes were far from good guys. Then again, who was?

''If you knew what I've been through, you would understand why I have a shitty attitude.'' I mumbled and exhaled through my nose. In that second, I acknowledged my sore muscles, the stinging pain in my arm and the faint throbbing caused by the bump on the back of my head. I acknowledged the exhaustion which had almost become a natural part of me by now. ''I just want to get this stitched up and honestly, I'm not interested in you seeing me cry because of it.'' I sighed and, for what felt like the first time in ages, managed to smile faintly at him. How ironic, it was strange to feel my lips curve upwards and form into a smile.

His gaze stayed on me while a slightly surprised expression ran over his features. I figured the reason for that might have been me showing him that I was more than just a complete bitch.

''Are you sure you don't want any help? I noticed you're right handed, so doing this with your left…'' His voice trailed off as he watched me shake my head.

''I got it.'' I mumbled and turned around, focusing on my arm again. ''… thanks, though…''

''Alright.'' He hummed and then left the room.

Once the door had closed and I was left in silence, my eyes found the needle and thread in the box. I stared at it before reaching for it with a shaking hand. I had stitched wounds shut before but this was the first time where I could use my dominant hand. This would also be the longest wound I would have to stitch together.

I let out a shaky breath before pressing my lips together as I tried threading the needle. It took me several tries before my hands would stop shaking and my heart raced against my ribcage. I took a few quick breaths while gathering courage and readying the needle.

''This is going to hurt like a bitch.'' I breathed and braced myself for the pain.

Then the needle broke my skin.

I let out a muffled cry as I pulled it through my skin and my breathing quickened drastically. As much as I tried not to, I could feel the wetness of tears fell down my cheeks while I readied the needle again, this time piercing the opposite side of the wound. Sobs and inhuman sounds fell from my lips as I struggled to press the needle through my skin and then the following, horrible feeling of the thread sliding through it until it was tightened.

''Keep going.'' I sobbed and squeezed my eyes shut momentarily when the pain almost became too much. ''You have to keep going.''

His head bumped back against the door he was leaning against as he waited. He crossed his arms over his chest while his eyes stared at the tall ceiling. He was used to strangers coming through the camp, most of them looking for the nearby camp Salvation, others looking for shelter or to trade. Even so, she was the first to oppose them this much and refuse his help.

He frowned in annoyance. What kind of maniac stitches their own arm up?

The sounds coming from inside the room made him catch his breath as he listened. She was really doing it. The muffled screams and sobs forced a chill down his spine and he closed his eyes. He had been impressed with her the moment they spotted her down in the sewer. Despite bleeding badly and barely being able to stand, she was ready to fight. He admired her amount of willpower but he had trouble understanding why she was so stubborn.

Dirty, bloody, exhausted, stubborn and determined.

Now she was his responsibility.

He let out a sigh while listening to the sounds which made his heart race.

''What the hell is going on?''

He looked up as he heard a familiar voice and met Takuto's disgruntled stare.

''She's stitching her wound.'' His mouth felt dry as he spoke but his voice was clear.

''What? By herself?'' he sounded surprised at first, which was rather unlike him, but he quickly regained his usual annoyed tone. ''Insane woman.'' He grumbled while walking off with a scowl.

Insane, huh?

He closed his eyes again and listened to the sounds beginning to die out, replaced mostly by sobs before it went completely silent.

Yeah, he was definitively impressed.

I sat with gritted teeth and shaking hands while the warm blood tickled down my arm. Tears stung in my eyes and I shut them tightly. It was done. It wasn't pretty but the wound had been stitched up without reopening the old one too much. All that was left was to bandage it and hide it but the stinging and throbbing pain had completely reduced me to a shaking, sobbing, slumped over mess, the bloody needle still in my shaking hand.

The blood dripped on the floor as I sat there but I didn't care one bit. I listened to the dripping and my own breathing, which had calmed down by now, and waited for my body to relax again but before it could, the door opened behind me. I stayed still as I waited for someone to speak.

''… Are you done?'' Kenshi asked behind me and the door closed softly.

I reached for the roll of bandage next to me and started to wrap it around my arm. I cringed a few times and kept a groan back when I had to make sure it was tight enough before securing it. It wasn't until then that I turned around and looked at him.

A pair of worried eyes met mine and we proceeded to look at each other in silence. I wiped my eyes with my left hand and nodded briefly before exhaling.

''So, what now?'' I asked, honestly not knowing what he had planned next or why he was keeping me here.

''We're gonna have a quick talk. Depending on how that goes…'' he hesitated shortly and then started to walk closer to me. ''We'll see.'' He smiled calmly while sitting down on the chair next to the bed I was sitting on. His behavior seemed more relaxed than he had been earlier and his eyes darted down to my arm before returning to mine. ''What's your name?''

''My name?'' I blinked, surprised by what had once been such a common question but so rare now. I stared at him in silence for a short moment before I narrowed my eyes a bit. ''Look, I don't do this 'friendship' stuff so can we just-''

''Why not? Why are you so opposed to trusting me?'' His tone was unreadable and his eyes had turned neutral.

My gaze turned annoyed because of his question but for whatever reason, I decided to answer him this time.

''Because the more people you know, the more you have to lose.'' I spoke and watched as his expression stayed the same. ''That's why.''

''But you get more to fight for.''

I fell silent again, trying to figure out exactly what he was after.

''What's the point with this small talk?'' I grumbled. ''If the only reason I'm here is because you're bored, then you should find someone else to entertain you.''

''Again with the shitty attitude.'' He sighed and leaned back in the chair. ''You obviously don't see it like that but I'm just trying to help you here. You could barely stand yesterday and not to mention your arm. Honestly, it annoys me that you're this hostile to me.'' His voice lowered as he spoke the last part and it almost looked like he was sulking. ''I don't know what you've been through and I don't know what you've heard about us, but neither sounds particularly positive but we're not bad guys.''

I studied him as he spoke and stayed silent once he was done. Even if he was right, there were few things he could change but I hadn't lost all of my humanity yet, so not giving him a chance to explain himself wasn't something I was interested in. I chewed on my lip as I thought of what to say and tried to remember all the rumors. Once I did, I let out a short exhale.

''From what I've heard, you're a group of skilled raiders with no morality. You do what's in your own interest, take what you need from others and don't hesitate to kill, walkers and people. You're feared because of it and anyone seen wearing dog tags without being dressed as a soldier, is automatically assumed to be part of your group. I don't know what's true or not and frankly, I don't care. As long as I don't get into a quarrel with you then it's fine. It's the same as the rumors we hear about camps. Someone says it's to the north while others say it's to the south.'' I watched his expression falter and his eyes moved away from mine. ''But seeing your reaction, I'm guessing what I've just said isn't true.''

A bittersweet smile ran across his lips and he ran a hand through his hair. His eyes stayed down and away from mine. ''I knew some people had been using our name but I hadn't imagined that they had ruined it that much.'' He spoke, saddened by my words, and then finally looked up at me again. ''We're not raiders and we don't kill people, obviously, you're still here. We set up camps and try to protect people while creating some sort of society. We don't want people to forget how to function in this world with the current state it's in.''

''You make it sound like such a noble cause…'' I smiled faintly and looked down. ''As if you're self-proclaimed saviors of humanity.''

''Yeah, I guess we do.'' He chuckled softly.

It had been a while since I had heard someone chuckle, let alone laugh, and it was oddly nice. Or maybe it was just him as a person, refreshing to meet someone so positive in what most people referred to as our much deserved hell.

''So, you're not going to tell me your name?''

I hesitated but in the end, I shook my head and he let out a small huff.

''How long are you planning on keeping me here then?'' I asked after a short silence and let our eyes met again, but his flickered away from mine and didn't return until he had thought my question over.

''You're making it sound as if you're going somewhere.''

''I am.'' I answered shortly. It was a straight out lie but somewhat trusting one person out of a whole camp wasn't enough to make me stay.

''Where are you going?''

_Shit. _

''… Away.''

''You don't know, do you?'' He asked after a short silence where he had looked at me softly. When I didn't reply, sadness appeared in his eyes again. ''As I said, I don't know what you've been through,'' my left hand clenched into a fist, ''but you're welcome to stay. You don't have to be on the run all the time.'' His voice was soft and accompanied by a small smile.

I stayed silent, not sure what to reply, while he simply looked at me. I was about to cast my eyes down, hoping to find some sort of excuse or way of the conversation, when the door was thrown open. Both our glances shot to the door to see who had barged in like that.

''Kenshi! We gotta go. Hiro spotted some walkers by the south entrance.'' The man I recognized as Riki was standing in the door with a rifle in his hand and breathing quickly.

''Seriously? How many?'' Kenshi asked while standing up.

''Enough to be a problem. We have to clear them out before they get in.''

''Alright, go, I'll be there in a second.''

Riki nodded shortly and his glance flickered to me before he frowned and left the room. My glance moved back to Kenshi once I heard the clicking of a gun and watched as he checked his pistol for ammunition.

''This should be enough. Come on.'' He spoke and started to walk.

''Come on? Hold on, you're asking me to come with you?'' I frowned, obviously not understanding the way his brain worked.

''Well, I can't leave you here so you might as well come along.'' He glanced back at me. ''Unless you're scared of walkers, of course.''

His last words definitively made me frown. I stood up and followed him to where he was waiting for me.

''What are you standing around for? You're the one who knows the way.'' I grumbled and watched as he grinned to himself.

''This way.'' He hummed and started to walk.

As I started to follow him, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell I was doing.

Or what the hell I had gotten myself into…


	2. Chapter 2

''So, what is this place exactly?'' I asked while my glance moved around. When I had tried to get away, I hadn't exactly taken a minute to look around. The room I had been in belonged to what looked like the former filtration station. My eyes had scanned over the various control panels and screens, shortly admiring that they still had power, before we had gone through another door and outside. I would have stopped to take it all in but Kenshi kept moving so I followed. The room was large and long, fenced off in both ends and with various sizes of tents scattered along the walls. It had been a while since I had seen so many people in one spot, let alone smiling and not looking miserable.

''It used to be the towns bunker, besides functioning as the filtration center. This area usually experiences tornadoes late spring, so they redecorated this place to shelter the people living here. We found the tents in a storage locker next to the building, which we kept as a base.'' He explained as we walked through the middle of the camp. ''There's three entrances, the south one being the biggest and the one the townspeople used. The northern and the eastern were used by the people who worked on the filtration station.''

''So have many people do you have here?''

''About seventy right now, I think. People can and go so it's hard to say.''

''Are you not worried about taking care of that many people?''

''Not really. Boss made the rules and people are good at following them.''

''Rules?''

''Yeah. Everyone has to help out somehow. We take the adults out in groups to hunt and scavenge. Most of them know how to handle a weapon but the ones who don't stay here and help with keeping this place running.''

We reached what looked like the main gate and the two men standing there both turned their attention to us. Kenshi greeted them by raising his hand and they nodded in reply.

''Riki went through a couple of minutes ago…'' The tallest of them gestured behind him while the other started to unlock the padlock and remove the chain.

I watched as they exchanged a few more words while we waited. I felt someone look at me, causing my glance to move from Kenshi to the one unlocking the gate. None of us moved or said anything as we simply kept looking at each other. It lasted long enough for the two others to notice but before either could say anything, the man spoke first.

''I know you.''

I froze because of his words and caught my breath. I felt Kenshi's glance flicker back and forth between me and the man but I couldn't find anything to say. His expression changed to somewhat surprised, looking like he just realized something important.

''How are you still alive?'' He asked hesitantly in a low voice and he narrowed his eyes.

My eyes widened when I realized where I knew him from and I felt my heart stop. I balled my hands into fists, feeling my sweaty palms as I had no idea what to say. He had the potential to expose me and turn this into a big problem and I had no way to stop him.

''I-'' I started, with no plan or what so ever, but I chocked on my words the second someone grabbed my left arm. I looked up in surprise, seeing Kenshi's profile as he started to lead me through the gate and completely ignoring the two men. I was dumbstruck and heard the gate being closed again behind us while he continued to lead me with him. It wasn't until we had rounded a corner that his grip loosened before he let go of me. ''Why did you…?'' I asked, having come to a stop, but my voice had trailed off when he kept walking. I took a few hasty steps to catch up with him.

''Walkers are more important than your background right now. Besides, I'm thinking I know you well enough by now to know, that you're not going to tell me anything even if I ask.'' He spoke while looking straight ahead.

I kept quiet, somewhat admiring how quickly he had figured me out but thinking about it, I had probably given him enough reasons to have that impression of me. My glance went straight ahead as I noticed the light. We were reaching the end of the short tunnel and I was slightly surprised by how big the entrance was. As we got closer to the end, I realized that the southern entrance was the storm drain where the sewer water was being lead out of, explaining the size.

The light was making me narrow my eyes and it took me a few seconds before I could properly see. I blinked several times and stopped while waiting for my eyes to adjust. As soon as we were fully outside, I heard him mutter a low 'shit'. Once I had fully regained my vision, I quickly understood his reaction.

The storm drain lead out to what looked like a small area of grass before the beginning of a forest. A dirt path followed the side to the left and connected to the main road behind us. The storm yesterday had turned the dirt path into a mud trail and the grass area almost resembled a swamp. It would be close to impossible to move around in and it was currently filled with walkers, some already stuck and struggling in the mud. My breath got stuck in my throat and we stood still as we watched and listened to the horrific sounds coming from them.

''About time you showed up.'' Riki spoke out next to us, shortly glancing at me before his attention returned to Kenshi. ''Why the hell did you bring her? This isn't a field trip.'' He grumbled, obviously not content with the situation.

''I couldn't just leave her in the base.'' He mumbled, not interested in continuing with that subject. ''This is the first time I've seen so many walkers here.'' His eyes moved across the field as he spoke while he ran his hand through his hair. ''Any plans?''

Riki frowned slightly before following Kenshi's glance. ''There's always the bell out in the tower.''

''It's gonna be hell getting out there though.''

''Where's this tower?'' I asked and they both looked at me, one of them looking rather displeased with my question.

''It's just behind the tree line. There's an old tower the hunters used and we fit a bell on it to lure them away with the sound.'' Kenshi asked while pointing to where the tower was and I could barely make it out through the tree tops.

''That's not going to work though…'' I mumbled and noticed them both looking at me. ''Look, it's going to be a struggle for either of us to get out there and even in normal circumstances, it's not hard to outrun walkers, so in this case, even if you did ring the bell, they wouldn't be able to move out there and even those that can wouldn't be very fast.'' I explained and then looked at the walkers again. ''So either you leave them and wait for the water to disappear or you kill them now and use their immovability to your advantage.''

''It's too much of a risk leaving them. I don't want them getting inside like the one earlier.'' Kenshi hummed.

''It's a waste of ammo to shoot them all.'' Riki joined in.

''Then melee them. You're both armed with knives and taking them out with those are quieter and you don't use ammo on it.'' I spoke up and they glanced at me shortly before looking at each other.

''The mud's still gonna be a disadvantage.'' Riki grumbled.

''But she's right and we're still quicker than them.'' Kenshi spoke.

''What? You seriously agree with her?''

''You've got any other ideas?'' He asked while unsheathing his hunting knife. ''Thought so.'' He proceeded to murmur when Riki remained silent with an annoyed expression.

''Fine…'' He sighed defiantly after a moment. ''But there's no way in hell I'm arming her.'' He spoke while gesturing to me and Kenshi's glance flickered between us.

''Come on, she could be helpful.'' Kenshi objected but Riki looked like he wouldn't move one inch.

''No. She pointed a fucking machete at you some ten hours ago and you already trust her? I'm not going to risk having her be a potential risk.''

''Hey!'' I grunted, fed up with his assumptions. ''This was my idea and you expect me to simply stand here and watch?'' I challenged him, watching his expression turn sour while he looked at me.

''Yes.'' Without saying anything else, he started to move closer to where the first walkers were stranded, effectively ignoring any of my future objections.

I cursed beneath my breath and looked up at Kenshi, who was looking rather troubled. ''Don't tell me you expect me to stand watch as well. I can help.'' I grumbled.

''No, but…'' he sighed and glanced shortly at Riki. ''Here.'' He whispered once Riki had moved his attention the one of the walkers and handed me a dagger. ''We're already on edge here and I'm not interested in starting an argument with him, so for now, just stay here and keep a lookout. Alright?'' He mumbled and showed me a small smile at the end.

It took me a moment before I exhaled audibly and took the dagger. ''Fine.'' I mumbled and weighed the dagger in my hand. It was light compared to the machete I was used to carrying. He mumbled a low 'thank you' and we both started to move to where Riki was standing. I hid the dagger in the back of my belt, not interested in worsening the ravenette mood further, and it would stay there until they had moved out.

They took a moment to discuss strategy and then which of them would take the different walkers out and which ones they could simply ignore for now. I stayed silent while they spoke and I tried to count them all. I estimated about ten but it was hard to be certain when someone of them could be stuck further down in the mud. Once they moved out, I could only imagine how much they probably appreciated wearing those high military boots when walking through mud like this.

I watched them as they slowly moved in the tall grass, spreading out and then executing the walkers one by one by stabbing them through their skull and into their brain. That and decapitating them was the safest way to kill them, anything else could result in them jumping back at you while you had your guard down. I had seen several people die because they screwed up. As I watched them, I noticed their way of movement and skills that they probably had better training than just normal people had because of the circumstances. It fitted the rumor I had heard about the members being former military.

The plan was being done without any trouble and it had only once gotten close with Riki killing two walkers which were standing rather close. I felt my shoulders relax as the numbers were being thinned out and my grip on the dagger loosened. Even so, I kept my eyes on the field, ready to spot any sudden movement. For just a second, I allowed my eyes to flicker to Kenshi when he grabbed a walker. He used his left hand to grab it by the neck and keep it at arm's length. His hand went backwards, ready to puncture the skull and brain with his knife. I noticed the movement right next to him. A rotting arm moved up from the grass and its hand reached for Kenshi's arm. My eyes flew to Riki, who was already busy with removing his dagger from a walker's head, and I felt my mouth dry up. My grip on the dagger tightened again and before even thinking of yelling his name, I threw it.

The split second after it had left my hand, I listened to my pulse drumming in my ears and felt my heart race. The hand was close to grabbing him, it's fingertips touching his skin and making him aware of its presence behind him. The same second he turned around, the tip of the dagger penetrated its forehead and then the blade continued into its brain. I watched as the arm fell back down and the walker hit the mud with a wet noise. His glance met mine in confusion and he was breathing quickly. I couldn't take my eyes off him as I was still standing awkwardly with my arm outstretched from throwing the dagger. It wasn't until Riki grabbed Kenshi's shoulder that our eye contact was broken.

''You alright?'' Riki asked while breathing quickly, worry making his voice thick.

It took him a second to compose himself and move his eyes to Riki. ''Yeah… yeah, I'm fine.'' He spoke, sounding a little shaken.

I watched as Riki started muttering something and I finally reminded myself to let my arm fall back down my side. I took a deep breath, hoping to calm down my fanatically beating heart while telling myself that it was purely because of the adrenalin. I really hadn't hesitated to try to save him. I closed my eyes while trying to fully comprehend what I had just done and why but I couldn't find a proper explanation. I wrote it off by telling myself that it was simply a favor for a favor and that was it. An exhale escaped me while I tried to gather my clustered thoughts and I watched as they started to move towards me.

I stayed silent as they got closer and still couldn't find anything to say once they were standing in front of me. My eyes met Kenshi's and I had to swallow awkwardly. ''You're okay?''

He nodded shortly while running a hand through his hair. ''Yeah… I-'' He started but Riki quickly cut him off.

''Save it for later and let's get back. We have to report boss about all of this.'' He spoke with a slightly raised voice and his glance moved between both of us. ''And you, you're going to wait in Kenshi's room while we figure out what to do with you.'' I got to frown at him and was about to open my mouth when he spoke again. ''Forget it; I'm not wasting any time on arguing with you. Saved Kenny or not, you're not going anywhere until we say you are.''

I stayed silent and shot a glare at him only to see him roll his eyes at me. I bit my lip in frustration and to keep myself from yelling and attracting any nearby walkers up on the road. As a reaction to my silence, Riki let out a small huff before starting to walk back inside. My glance met with Kenshi's again and we exchanged a quick glance before he showed me a small smile. I felt my muscles relax and I let out a small exhale through my nose.

''Let's go then…'' I mumbled and started to follow Riki back inside. Kenshi let out a soft hum and walked up next to me.

I really had gotten myself into a mess…

One of the few positive things I had learned from the world turning into this was to appreciate the little things. Warm clothes, a hot meal, a decent bed and a hot shower could make a whole month. In truth, I had no recollection of when I had last had a hot shower. I was close to sheading a tear two when Kenshi had asked me if I wanted a shower, already thankful if it had just been cold water, but when he had informed me that it was warm water, I was ready to believe in God again.

I let out a long exhale as I stepped into the warm water beam. My body trembled as I stood there, feeling maybe months of dirt, sweat and dried blood wash of me. Never mind the smell of cheap soap, I was getting clean. I let the water stream down my face while I stood with my arms around myself. It was in moments like these I wished that I could forget about all the things I had experienced these past years. The faces I had missed but promised myself to hide away in the back of my mind started to creep their way through the cluster of thoughts but I quickly pushed them away, shaking my head as if it would help.

My head rested against the cold wall as I let the water run down my body. It was such an incredible feeling. Warm water, not cold, not rain, not mud and not sewer water, but clean, warm water. I exhaled again while tipping my head backwards, reminding myself that I should consider finishing and stop wasting water but Jesus Christ, I wasn't about to miss my chance on fully enjoying my first hot shower in months.

With a surprisingly refreshed feeling, I got dressed in my old pants but a clean, black T-shirt. I walked out of what had been the employee locker-room and stepped out into the small hallway between the different rooms, which Kenshi had told me now worked as each of their rooms. I was still surprised at what they had managed to establish here but I couldn't help but feeling that it wouldn't last. Maybe it was because I had seen too many projects like this get ruined or maybe it was because I still didn't fully trust them.

My wet hair made me shiver and I quickly ran a hand through it as I turned the corner, nearing Kenshi's room, but came to a stop when I noticed that I wasn't alone. I stood still as two people looked up at me once they noticed my presence, one of them being Kenshi and the other a man with orange hair.

''Oh…'' Kenshi mumbled while his eyes widened slightly and I stared at him in confusion.

''So, she's the rumored, mysterious woman? You didn't tell me she was this pretty.'' The shorter man snickered and nudged Kenshi in the ribs with his elbow before he moved the few feet closer to me. ''I'm Hiro. I heard you did some pretty crazy things.'' He smiled knowingly and reached out his hand.

My glance flickered down quickly. A handshake? That was certainly a rare thing these days. ''Crazy things?'' I glanced at Kenshi before letting my eyes meet Hiro's again and I took his hand hesitantly, withdrawing it again after a quick handshake.

''Running through the safe zone, getting grabbed by a walker, stitching yourself up and then saving Kenny's ass? I would definitively list them as some crazy things.'' He counted on his fingers as he listed my adventures during the last twenty-four hours. ''And no worries, I've heard that you don't do the name thing.'' He smiled, easily making me feel somewhat as ease, though not as much as with Kenshi's.

I shook my head slightly, indicating that he was right, and couldn't quite figure out what to say next. To my luck, Kenshi reentered the conversation.

''Hiro, weren't you on your way to see boss?''

''Oh, yeah… I'll see you later. I'm expecting you to show her around later.'' Hiro showed a quick grin to Kenshi before turning around on his heel.

We both watched as he walked out of the building, then I felt Kenshi's glance move to me and I looked at him again. A sweet smile was the first thing I saw and then I met his warm, brown eyes.

''Hiro was right, now that you're clean, it's much easier to see how pretty you are.'' He laughed, sounding a tiny bit flustered, before gesturing at the door right next to us. ''Shall we?'' He asked and then started to move inside the room.

I stood still a few seconds, his words echoing in my clustered mind and for the first time I could remember since all this started, I could feel warmth crawl to my cheeks. I was blushing. Dear God, I was blushing. I let go of a breath I hadn't been aware that I had been holding and frowned at myself.

Stop it.

I slumped my shoulders slightly, trying to relax a bit again, and followed him inside his room. I closed the door behind me and watched as he retrieved the gun from the back of his belt. He placed it and a knife on the table and then stretched. I watched his arm muscles tense and then relax as he rolled his shoulders.

''So, what did you want to talk about?'' I asked while crossing my arms over my chest. I wasn't keen on staying in one place for too long and it was starting to feel like he wasn't really sure why I was here either.

''Actually…'' He started and then turned around, leaning against the table. ''I wanted to thank you.''

''Thank me?''

''Yeah, Hiro was right; you really did same my ass out there. If that walker had grabbed my arm, I would have been in trouble.'' He smiled flustered and scratched his neck self-consciously. ''Riki chewed me out for letting you have that dagger but my gut feeling turned out to be right.'' He chuckled shortly.

I had frowned a bit as he spoke and decided to voice I question I had thought about for a while.

''Why is it exactly that you trust me so much? Besides that, I've done nothing but causing you trouble. I've told you multiple times that I don't want to be here and I even refused to tell you my name.'' I spoke and kept my eyes on him.

He looked surprised because of my sudden and perhaps strange question but I obviously thought it was justified. He took a moment to think it over before he opened his mouth again.

''Honestly, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I admire your willpower, despite it possible making you insanely stubborn. Maybe it's because I think you look like someone who deserves a second chance and I usually trust my gut feeling.''

''And that's telling you to trust me?''

''Trusting and helping. It's two quite forgotten traits these days but I'm not letting this mess change who I am and I've usually been right about people, so I'm hoping to be right again or simply wait for you to prove me wrong.'' He smiled but his smile was different from what I had seen so far. It wasn't out of politeness or something natural; it helped me realize that he was honest and serious about his words and probably himself as a person as well. ''I gave you that dagger because you were ready to fight both of us back when we found you, so I'm seeing you as a resourceful person and not as trouble.'' The way he looked at me as he spoke made my heart race, for whatever unknown reason, and I couldn't help but feel proud because of his words.

''Either you're really dumb and naive or your belief in people is amazing, I can't tell.'' I sighed and closed my eyes shortly.

''I do like to believe that I'm the latter of those two.'' I could tell he was smiling from the tone in his voice and it made me look at him again.

I watched him for a second or two, taking in the sight of someone who had managed to stay positive when that trait had quickly been stolen away from me. It was then I took an unexpected decision.

''Lena...'' I murmured, suddenly feeling awkward about introducing myself to him. ''My name is Lena.''

''Lena, huh? Then, thanks for saving my ass earlier, Lena.'' He smiled big, definitively satisfied with knowing my name.

''Yeah, no problem…'' I mumbled and felt a familiar heat creep across my face.

Maybe, for once, it wouldn't be so bad to stick around for a little while…


	3. Chapter 3

Have you got color in your cheeks'  
Do you ever get the feeling that you can't shift the tide  
That sticks around like something's in your teeth  
And some aces up your sleeve  
I had no idea that you're in deep  
I dreamt about you near me every night this week  
How many secrets can you keep' – Arctic Monkeys

There had been a time where I would have introduced myself as a patient person. I didn't mind waiting for the bus, I didn't mind slowing down because the person in front of me walked slower than me, I didn't mind it. But I wasn't the same woman anymore. Now, patience came down to how long I had to stay hidden from walkers are humanoids I had no intention of interaction with, which so far had been almost everyone.

This was the reason for my restlessness.

A week had passed since I had agreed with myself to stay, much to three people's joy, and I was still wondering if I had made the right decision. I had been given my own tent and honestly, it was nice to have something to call mine. After a bit of debating, my tent had been moved to the outskirts of what they called ''The Safe Zone,'' the fenced in area. It was strange being around so many people but that was evened out by sleeping on a proper mattress. Never mind that it was on the ground and the nights were a bit chilly, it was a noticeable upgrade from whatever I could usually find.

Despite all of this, it hadn't quite made up for what felt like being grounded. Kenshi had shown me around and I had been introduced to the rest of the Black Foxes. The boss had been surprisingly different from what I had imagined based on the traveling rumors and I couldn't quite tell if I trusted his easygoing nature. I hadn't been sure what to expect the daily life to be in their camp but from what Kenshi had told me about the rules, I felt screwed over. I wasn't allowed to help with anything outside the base and I had basically been put in house arrest. Kenshi was vague about why but I hadn't taken me long before I had gotten a hunch about it being because of Riki and Takuto. The group made decisions together, so even with Kenshi putting in a good word for me; I still had to prove myself to them.

It was immensely pissing me off.

So after a week of being glanced at by everyone else and doing nothing else but catching up on sleep and taking care of my wound, I had managed to corner the brunette in his room. I had somewhat avoided being alone with him, mostly because I was denying to myself that I probably had developed a soft stop for him, but it had turned out to be rather hard as he was about the only one who spoke to me. I wasn't blaming the rest of the squatters though. It seemed like I had quickly earned a reputation and it had definitely not been a good one. It was a strange situation. I usually stayed away from people but now it was suddenly the other way around.

''What's going on?'' I asked him with a frown and waited for him to turn around and face me.

''What are you referring to?'' He threw a question back at me while continuing to remove his gun and various sized knives from him belt and onto the table.

''This!'' I threw my arms out. ''All of this!'' He glanced over his shoulder and our eyes met. ''You told me everyone pulls their own weight around here, so why am I put under house arrest when I'm capable of helping you do scavenge runs? This isn't what I signed up for.'' I had raised my voice without realizing it, surely sounding as agitated and frustrated as I felt.

''Oh come on, you're not under house arrest.'' He smiled but it only prompted my frown to worsen and he let out a small sigh. He turned around, leaning against the table and his hands gripped the edge of it after one of them had quickly darted through his hair. ''Alright. We're not sure what to do with you and since some of them don't trust you-''

''Let me guess.'' I interrupted him with a sour expression. ''Takuto and Riki don't trust me?''

''Well, yeah…'' He murmured and it was easy to tell that he was far from comfortable with the situation I had put him in. ''Look, Riki's still pissed about you pointing your machete at him and then I gave you that dagger back then. Takuto always sides with him, no matter what.'' He sighed and one of his hands moved up, resting on his neck. ''… and then there's the thing with the camp…'' He mumbled the last part while he had cast his eyes down so I couldn't tell if I was meant to hear it or not.

''What camp?'' I narrowed my eyes slightly, not sure what he was talking about and it was putting me on edge.

''It's nothing…'' He hesitated and our eyes met again.

''Kenshi…'' His jaw tensed up as I said his name and the hand on his neck moved, now its fingers were pinching the bridge of his nose, but he stayed silent, much to my annoyance. ''You wonder why I don't trust you? Well, how can I when you're refusing to tell me things.'' I groaned in frustration but the frustration seemed to be mutual. My words seemed to have struck a nerve as it was now his turn to frown.

''Don't talk to me about trust and don't say it like that. You not trusting me is for a whole other reason than something like this and you've refused to tell me why ever since you got here!'' He was angry. His hands balled against the table before he stood up straight and took a few steps closer to me. ''Don't you dare to play this off as if this is my entire fault.'' He breathed while trying to calm himself.

''I can't trust people as easily as you can! Don't punish me for being fucked up because of all of this!'' I raised my voice in anger.

''I'm not! I'm just trying to understand what the hell is going on with you but you won't let me.'' His tone matched mine and he moved closer to me again, now within my reach. ''You can't have a shitty attitude like this without at least telling me why!''

''That's because you don't understand!''

''Understand what?!''

We were both yelling by now, a mutual frustration in lack of knowledge and not knowing how to get our point across to the other.

''Loss, Kenshi! You don't understand the kind of loss I experienced, the kind of loss that fucked me up so badly!'' I couldn't keep my voice from shaking.

''Really? I lost my mom, I've seen some of my friends die. I know the feeling of loss!'' He argued.

''We've all lost our parents! We've all seen friends die!''

''Then why is your loss so different? If you've experienced the same as us-!''

''I was pregnant!'' I felt my balled up hands shake while anger did the same to my voice. If someone had asked me why I had told him, I wouldn't know how to answer other than he had pushed me to it. ''I was supposed to have a daughter or a son right now! I was supposed to have a good life with my now dead fiancé! I lost all of that! Everyone I knew and cared for are gone and I saw most of them die right in front of me!'' I yelled. My anger strengthened by two years of bottled up emotions. ''So don't stand there and talk to me about loss when you have no idea how much it can ruin you!'' I finished, choking back a sob and cast my eyes down once I could feel tears press on. Struggling to stiffen my quivering lip, I turned around on my heel, heading towards the door.

_Oh god, why did it still hurt so much to say it? _

I wanted to disappear into a hole. I wanted to leave all of this behind me and get out of this camp for good and never look back. I told myself I had nothing to leave behind and that no one would even notice me missing, like it usually was. Fingertips darted across my face to wipe away the few tears before they would leave wet trails down my cheeks and I reached for the door handle. I would leave and never come back, never see any of these people again, and return to being on the move constantly, return to what I was used to. I closed my eyes as my hand found the handle and was about to push the metal down when a hand grabbed my uninjured arm.

I tried to shake the hand off but I was spun around too quickly. I caught a glimpse of his face before the hand moved and his arms moved around me instead. I stood still, completely stunned by the unexpected embrace.

''Let go of me.'' I breathed.

''I'm sorry.'' His voice was a breathless whisper and it easily made a chill crawl down my spine.

''No-'' I mumbled and weakly tried to push him away but he didn't move an inch

''Lena.''

_Don't say my name like that. _

''Stop it.'' I let out a sob and felt my shoulders shake.

''No.'' He murmured close to my ear and I felt my stubbornness crumble.

There I was, in the middle of a not voluntarily embrace by a man I had known for a week. Something as normal as a hug suddenly felt so alienated but I felt like a five year old being hugged by her mom after having scraped her knee. His arm around me pressed me closer against him and I gave up. I gave up on trying to hold back the tears and finally let them stream down my face while I had it pressed against his chest. My whole body shook while I choked on sobs and my hands clung to his T-shirt. For once, I completely ignored my usual demeanor of never being vulnerable, at least not in front of someone else, and let myself be as weak as I should be.

In truth, I had no idea how long I was crying in his arms. I would probably be too embarrassed to know but judging on what I knew of his personality based on knowing him for a week, this would stay between us and that did definitively make it less embarrassing. My breathing shook as I had calmed down and my palms wiped the few remaining tears away from my face. Slowly, his arms retreated from me once he had made sure that I had finished crying.

''Sorry.'' He murmured while watching me with a soft glance.

''Why are you apologizing?'' I breathed and made myself look up at him. I wasn't too keen on having someone see me in this state but if anyone had to, I would want it to be him.

''Because I feel like someone should… And considering what I said, I-''

''Let's not reopen that subject, please.'' I mumbled and felt my face relax as I looked up at him. ''Look, I know I'm a bitch at times-''

''I never said that.''

''-But! I'm sorry for acting like that and saying those things. I'm used to being useful and not sitting still for a weak. It's been nice catching up on sleep but I'm getting restless from just sitting in my tent.'' I exhaled deeply and looked up at him, knowing my eyes were still red. ''I'm just trying to find out why I'm not allowed to help.''

He studied my face shortly before looking down, scratching his neck while he hesitated to say anything.

''I'm really not supposed to tell you but…'' He paused and looked at me again, his eyes so soft it made my heart skip a beat. ''We know about the previous camps.''

Every muscle in my body tensed up and I felt my mouth go dry.

''We know that everyone you've been at were attacked by raiders shortly after and we know that the same happened a week ago.'' His tone had turned serious and he watched me carefully as he spoke.

It took me a few moments to get myself to find something to say in my panicked mind.

''How?'' My voice was as small as it could be.

''Takuto is part of an information network and he's able of keeping taps on the military's local movements.''

I looked down and swallowed hard.

_This is bad. _

''The only thing we don't know, is why the raiders are after you.''

My hand moved to the bandaged wound on my arm and carefully held it. I pressed my lips together while trying to figure out what to do and make sense of my clustered and panicked thoughts. My hand tightened around my arm and the stinging pain made me turn to a rather rash decision.

I had already told him too much so it wasn't as if I could possibly make the situation any worse.

''You want to know why?'' I looked up at him and watched as he nodded a few times. I pressed my lips together again and exhaled through my nose.

Trust him. Showing him why was supposed to be a sign of trust, wasn't it?

''They're after me because of this.'' I spoke, voice slightly shaking, while my hand started to remove the bandage. I revealed the cut I had stitched up a week ago but it quickly revealed another, older wound. A pair of reddish and deep teeth marks on each side of the stitched up cut stood out, almost looking like a pattern on the underside of my arm. I held my breath as I waited for his reaction and my eyes sought his again. His eyes were set on the bite-mark as he looked at it in disbelief.

''You're…'' He started but couldn't say the words as our eyes met again.

''Bitten.'' I spoke, finishing what he was supposed to say, and we simply looked at each other while I was starting to fear his reaction.

I wasn't able to fully see and hear his reaction as the door was thrown open right next to us and both our glances flew to it out of surprise. In the doorway stood Riki, who was breathing quickly and for a moment, he looked surprised to see me with Kenshi. I caught my breath as I remembered my arm but I saw his eyes move down to it before I could cover it up and then everything went fast.

My injured arm was grabbed with a tight grip, promptly making me cry out in sudden pain, and I was dragged out of the room.

''Riki! What the hell are you doing?" Kenshi yelled behind us before he fanatically followed while I desperately tried to get free.

''Riki!''

It was hard to struggle and try to get free when my movements only caused further pain and more groans spilled from my lips. I stumbled as he gave me a hard tug out the door and he threw me on the ground without any hesitation. My hands and arms scraped against the stone I fell down on but I tried to get up quickly despite it.

Then I heard the click of a gun.

I froze completely and looked up, seeing the sight of Riki standing at my feet and pointing a gun directly at my head. I forgot how to breathe because of fear and my mind came to a complete stop.

''Riki!'' Kenshi ran up next to him, looking startled when he noticed the gun. ''What-''

''She's bitten.'' Riki sneered and didn't take his eyes off me.

''W-wait!'' I stammered and tried to sit up but stopped once he loaded the gun. I swallowed and my eyes quickly darted around, trying to locate help but I met nothing but curios glances. That was when I realized that we were out in front of their base and where everyone in the camp could see.

''Put the gun down!'' Kenshi groaned and reached to grab Riki's shoulder but his hand was quickly pushed away.

''What the hell is going on?'' A voice I recognized at Atsumu appeared behind Kenshi and Riki and the rest of the foxes all appeared from the base.

''Look at her arm. She's bitten.'' Riki grumbled and his gun was still dead set on me.

''You sure?'' Hiro moved up behind him and my panicked eyes met his for a second before he looked away.

''Check it yourself. It's on the underside of her right arm.''

''W-wait…'' I tried.

''Just shoot her then.'' Takuto voiced his opinion from the back row, looking like he couldn't care less.

''No! Wait-!'' I begged but the cold eyes looking at me made me choke on my words.

''If she is bitten, you're not going to shoot her here in front of everyone.'' Atsumu spoke again.

''I'm not going to risk moving her. We have no idea how far she is in the turning and the last time we took that risk, it ended badly.''

''Then make everyone look away or something.'' Takuto grumbled.

My breathing hitched as I realized this was really happening. They really were discussing to kill me in front of everyone and I had no idea what to do.

''Please! I-'' I started, voice shaking from utter desperation but I stopped the same instant someone stepped in between me and Riki.

''What the hell are you doing?'' Riki sneered. ''Move away.''

''No.''

''Kenshi-''

''I'm not letting you kill her!'' He shouted and balled his hands. ''The bite mark is old-''

''Wait, you knew about this?'' Atsumu stepped closer and frowned.

''No, she just showed me but listen-''

''Why do you trust a stranger? We know the raiders are after her and she's been nothing but trouble. To top it all off, she's bitten, Kenshi! We have no other choice than to kill her.'' Riki shouted back with a large amount of frustration in his voice.

''But she's not infected! Look at the bite mark! It's old and it's already started to heal.'' Kenshi argued and stayed put between us. ''I'm not letting you kill her.''

''He's right though.'' Hiro gestured to me. ''If the wound is from before she got here, she should have turned by now. I've never seen anyone make it past five days.''

''What are you suggesting?'' Riki grumbled and glanced at the redhead.

''Maybe she's immune…''

The group fell silent while most of them, except Riki and Kenshi, glanced at Hiro.

''Could explain why the raiders are after her if they figured it out.'' Atsumu pondered and looked like he was thinking things over.

''Lena.''

''Yes?'' I answered, startled as Kenshi suddenly said my name.

''When were you bitten?'' He asked while he kept his eyes locked with Riki's.

''I-uh… about two months ago? I'm not entirely sure but it was when there was still snow up north.'' My voice shook as I answered the best I could while my heart was racing against my ribcage.

''Two months, Riki… There's no other explanation.'' Kenshi spoke, his tone unreadable. ''Put the gun down.''

A long moment of silence passed before a click followed and Riki spoke.

''I swear to God, if there's any more trouble because of her, it's your ass on the line.'' His tone was threatening and I imagined his eyes to look the same.

Kenshi stayed silent as Riki turned away and started to walk inside the base again, quickly followed by Takuto and Atsumu. Then, he turned around. I let go of a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding and met Kenshi's worried eyes. In the spur of the moment, I wanted to be locked up by his embrace again. He moved closer and then sat on his knees while looking me over.

''You alright?'' He asked, his voice shushed to not drawn any further attention from the crowd around us, which was luckily starting to disband again.

''I, I think so…'' I mumbled and tried to move to stand but I quickly winced in pain. ''Fuck, I must have fallen on…'' my voice trailed off as he shifted and then moved closer to me. I watched in confusion but quickly realized what he was about to do. Before I could protest, he had picked me up in his arms. ''No!'' I protested and felt my face go completely red.

''Stop shifting around and just let me.'' He groaned slightly and for whatever reason, I did as he said. ''Thank you.'' He exhaled and showed me a small smile before he started to walk. ''Do you still have the first aid kit I gave you?''

''Yeah…'' I murmured, obviously embarrassed by being carried bridal style by him and the glances I met didn't help.

''Good.''

I stayed silent and closed my arms, waiting for him to reach my tent so this embarrassment would be over. Even so, my left hand softly grabbed his T-shirt while I leaned my head against his shoulder, pondering on how the hell I was supposed to say proper thank you for saving my life.

Once we reached my fairly empty tent, he put me down on my mattress and moved to retrieve the first aid kit. As I watched him move around, I could feel tears sting in my eyes. I franticly tried to prevent them from falling and wiped my eyes but it was no help.

''What's wrong?'' He asked softly while sitting down next to me and his eyes watched me closely.

''It's just…'' I started but stopped once I realized I didn't know what to say and a sob shook my body.

''It's alright.'' He murmured, his voice soothing and warm, and his hand moved, brushing a few stray curls behind my ear before its thumb helped wiping a few tears away.

''I'm sorry.'' I sobbed and felt my shoulders shake. I was overcome by the warmth and kindness he showed me in a situation like this, as chaotic as it was. ''I really thought he was going to shoot…'' I breathed, trying to stop the tears but once again I found myself with no control over them whatsoever. ''Thank you.'' I whispered with a quivering lip and closed my eyes. ''Thank you.''

''I told you that you could trust me and I honestly mean it. Alright? Yeah, good…'' His soothing voice made me relax and he smiled softly once he noticed my change in behavior. ''Just cry it out and-''

''No… I don't… I don't want to be weak like this. I haven't cried for ages and then today is just...''

''Crying doesn't make you weak.''

''Yeah it does…'' I sniffed and kept my eyes cast down. ''And I can't afford to be weak, not like this.''

''Lena…'' He sighed and the hand on my cheek moved to my chin, tipping my face towards him so I would look at him again. ''You're only human, Lena, please remember that.'' He spoke and smiled softly before his hand left my chin again.

With the touch of his fingers gone, I felt strangely lonely despite having him right next to me, and I couldn't help but think that he shouldn't be allowed to have such a gentle smile. Not when it could so easily make my heart race and slow down again. He just shouldn't.

''Thank you…'' I murmured, wiping the last tears away myself, and looked down again.

In the following silence, all I could think of was the man next to me, the sight of a gun aimed at me and the thought that I should never have stayed. I pressed my lips together once he found my hand, his fingertips brushing over my wrist as he turned it around so he could inspect the wound. He let out a short exhale in relief as the stitches had survived the stress.

''Thank God, it's only bleeding a little.'' He hummed softly while his fingers ghosted along the wound, making me shudder.

The faint grip on my wrist stayed while his free hand went to find what he needed from the first aid kit. I watched as his fingers pushed away the small bandages while searching for the gauze and the disinfectant. Once he had found them both and readied the disinfectant, he hesitated and looked up at me, his soft eyes finding mine. I caught my breath, not knowing how to react when he looked at me like that but I eventually got myself to nod. Then, I waited for the stinting pain as he carefully dabbed the wound with the soaked cotton ball. I kept a groan back gritted teeth but I couldn't keep my arm from twitching the second said pain appeared.

''It's alright.'' He murmured, soothing me while keeping his eyes on my wound. ''It's alright…''

I fought the urge to yank my hand back and away from him, resulting in my balling my hands into fists and my nails scraped against my bloody and throbbing palms, sending another shudder down my spine.

''I know it's hard to relax right now but see if you can. I'll treat your hands when this is wrapped up, okay?'' He peeked up at me and I nodded faintly, struggling to relax my hands again and not biting too hard down on my lip.

''Listen… I don't know how Riki knew about the bite, but-''

''Excuse me.'' A voice from outside the tent interrupted him and the owner of the voice quickly peeked inside. ''I figured you were here.'' Hiro smiled and stepped inside the tent. His eyes quickly looked me over and he seemed relieved when nothing major was wrong.

''What's up, Hiro?'' Kenshi glanced at him.

''I spoke with Riki, he's pretty worked up right now but I got at least some information from him.''

''I'm guessing this is about the bite?''

''Of course, why else would I be here? Either way, I like her, '' he made a short gesture to me, ''so I'm not just gonna sit around and watch.'' He crossed his arms over his chest.

''So? How did he know about it?'' Kenshi asked while his glance returned to my arm.

''Avery, a guy who's doing gate duty, he saw her get bitten back by a camp up north, before he got here. So after he noticed she was still around here, he told Riki about it.''

''He was the one who recognized me back then.'' I murmured while looking up at Hiro before moving my glance to Kenshi. ''You remember that, don't you?''

''Yeah… I remember him.''

''Right. Uh, I'm thinking he went to discuss things with you but, well, you were already with her.'' A short grin ran across his lip while he eyed me quickly. ''And you know the rest.''

''Thanks. I owe you one.'' Kenshi sighed softly and looked up at him.

''You know, he's probably on edge with this because of his-''

''Hiro.''

''Yeah, yeah…'' He mumbled and dug his hands into his pockets. ''I'll-uh… leave you two alone then.'' He spoke before sending a small nod my way, his glance lingering on me for a few seconds, before he stepped out of the tent.

I waited for the silence to settle before I returned my gaze to Kenshi.

''What was Hiro going to say?''

His movement stopped shortly, hesitating, and it took a moment before his eyes met mine for just a quick second. I watched as he tensed his jaw while he finished wrapping my arm and secured the gauze.

''Show me your hands.''

''Kenshi…''

His eyes flickered up and met mine. They stayed there for a short moment before he sighed and closed his eyes shortly.

''We had a… situation not so long ago. Riki's little sister liked a newcomer and she convinced Riki to bring him along on a scavenger run. I wasn't with them, so I don't know how it happened, but the guy got bitten and didn't tell them. They got back to camp without anyone knowing and twenty-four hours later, we had a walker in the middle of the camp.''

I sat in silence and listened, slowly realizing what had happened. I felt my mouth go dry while I hesitated to state the obvious.

''… He bit her.'' I breathed and presented my palms to him.

''He's been on edge with newcomers ever since that incident… not that I blame him… and when that guy told him about you and… well…''His voice trailed off but the rest of the sentence was unnecessary to really finish.

''I get it.'' I murmured and let out a slight groan as he disinfected my right palm first. ''He really would have shot me if you hadn't…'' I let my voice die out as I recalled the sight of having a gun pointed directly at me.

''No, I wouldn't have let him.'' He spoke and looked up at me.

Our eyes met and a soft silence followed his last words. I was at a loss of words while we looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. It was then I realized that despite what had happened today, I still wasn't fully regretting staying. As terrifying as it was to realize, it was mostly because of him.

Without any knowledge of what would happen next, I knew this would turn into a mess.

Probably a big one…


	4. Chapter 4

_What a shame, what a shame we all remain  
Such fragile broken things  
A beauty half betrayed  
Butterflies with punctured wings_

_Still there are darkened places deep in my heart  
Where once was blazing light, now  
There's a tiny spark_

_Oh Glory  
Come and find me - Paramore_

My feet sank further down into the soft mud with each step I took, pulling me down into its warm, wet embrace. Every muscle was burning and screaming for me to stop so they could rest. But there was no stopping. Not even as I stumbled, barely saving myself from a fall, I kept going. The sounds of the horde behind me mixed with my own quick breathing as I ran, trying to escape them.

I was too slow.

Rotting hands grabbed me, pulled me back, so arms could close around me and bring me into their deadly embrace. I let out a scream as the first pair of teeth pierced my skin and I felt my warm blood flow from the wound. Cold fingers tangled in my hair and I was forced down, pressed down into the mud in the middle of a scream. Teeth harshly scraped across my skin before sinking into it, biting off chunks of flesh and letting my blood mix with the mud. I screamed in agony. Struggling and fighting to get free but they were too many.

Then, teeth neared my throat, ready to bite into a major artery and end my life, but before they could break my skin, someone called my name.

''Lena?''

I abruptly sat up; huffing for air and a drop of sweat ran down my nose. My heart raced against my ribcage and it took me several second to remember where I was.

''Hey.''

I looked towards the tents opening, seeing Hiro looking at me in a mixture of curiosity and worry. I ran my hand through the curly mess my hair has turned into and took a few, slow breaths, trying to gain some control of my fanatic breathing pattern.

''You alright?''

''Yeah.'' I nodded, voice still thick from sleep.

''Good, get dressed then, we need to talk about something important with you.'' I glanced at him as he spoke and started on working my hair into a messy bun.

''Okay…'' I mumbled, slightly hesitating.

_What's going on? _

He ducked back outside, presumably waiting for me there as his footsteps didn't move away. Slightly hesitating, I stood up and quickly got dressed. Once I had gotten my boots on, I joined Hiro outside.

''You ready?'' He glanced at me as I got outside and showed me a faint smile before beginning to walk towards their base.

''What's going on?'' I asked and began to follow him.

''Riki started arguing with boss and then Kenshi got involved.''

''I'm guessing this has something to do with yesterday's episode, then…'' I murmured darkly.

Hiro stayed silent, not really needing to answer my question. I felt people glance at us, some whispering, as we passed then and it took a lot not to glare back at them with the best scowl I could portray. I let out a deep exhale as we finally reached the base and stepped inside, escaping the questionable and untrusting glances. We turned to the right and continued down the hallway until we reached the last door on the left side. In truth, I could have located the room easily just from the noise coming from it.

He knocked three times, the noise level reducing drastically, then he opened the door. The tension inside the room was thick enough to be cut. Three glances found me almost instantly as I stepped inside the room, two pair of stern eyes and a rather exhausted looking pair.

''Good, you're here.'' Atsumu sighed and seemed to relax a bit.

''What's going on?'' I asked while looking around, noticing how Kenshi and Riki were back to staring daggers at each other. I hesitated, trying not to worsen the already dangerous situation, and a long silence followed my ignorant question. Once someone did decide to speak, it was Kenshi.

''They're kicking you out.''

''What?'' I breathed, not sure how to react. I had predicted the episode yesterday wouldn't have gone by without some kind of ending but where I had expected to be stuck in my tent, they were actually throwing me out. My hand shook slightly while I tried to find something to say but my mind was blank. In all honesty, I didn't want to leave, not yet. Not when I had told Kenshi all those things. Then again, I couldn't say I didn't understand why they had made that choice. ''I-''

''You're not going anywhere.'' Kenshi interrupted me, his tone telling me to stay silent for now.

''Yes she is. She's nothing but unwanted trouble.'' Riki spoke up.

''Kenshi-'' I tried anyways.

''No, they can't-''

''Yes we can!'' Riki took a few steps closer to him. ''We already voted about it and there's nothing you can do.'' He sneered before turning around, his harsh eyes finding me. ''Take your stuff and get out.''

''There has to be another way! Just because she's immune doesn't mean that those things can't kill her!''

''I'm sure she's perfectly capable of defending herself.'' Riki muttered, obviously not interested in continuing this conversation.

''It's alright, I'll-'' I spoke but Kenshi quickly interrupted me.

''No, it's not!'' His glance moved to Atsumu. ''If she's immune, she could be the cure to all of this. How can you just ignore that fact? Besides, we already said she could stay, we've never gone back on our word before.''

''If her presence acts as a danger to everyone else here, I'm going to protect our camp, Kenshi.'' Atsumu spoke. ''The raiders are after her, if they find this camp and attack, it's going to be hard to protect everyone.''

''If you throw her out, the raiders will surely get her at some point.'' He argued and his glance flickered to me for just a few seconds. ''And you know damn well what they would do to her.'' He had lowered his voice as he spoke.

My glance flickered between the three men in front of me, what the hell was he talking about?

''That's not our problem.'' Riki had crossed his arms over his chest.

''Look, I never said I would volunteer to be the cure for all of this. As far as I know, I could just have been lucky or something.'' I finally got to say a sentence without being cut off.

''If you really are immune, you could play an important part in fixing all of this. You have to do it.'' Atsumu spoke as if he was lecturing me and I couldn't help but frown shortly. I really wasn't interested in drawing any attention to my situation but then again, what kind of person would I be if I didn't even try to help? Sure, my personality and attitude had taken a turn for the worse but I was still human.

''What about the group to the west?'' Hiro spoke for the first time since he entered the room and everyone's gaze flew to him. ''If the scientist guy they had with them is still alive, maybe he could do something?''

''Takuto had contact with them last week and he said everything was normal.'' Atsumu hummed.

''So, what? You're just going to send her there? In case you've forgotten, it takes a week to get there on foot.'' Riki scowled, not seeming impressed with the idea.

''If you give me a map I can probably-'' I tried to voice my opinion but I didn't get to say much before Kenshi interrupted me.

''I'm going with her.''

A short silence followed his unexpected words and I found myself staring at him completely dumbstruck.

_Go with me?_

''What the hell has gotten into you?'' Riki was the first to speak, his voice low and agitated. ''Hiro, get her out of here.''

''What? No!'' I protested but Hiro was already turning towards me.

''It's alright, I'll come find you later, Lena.'' Kenshi glanced at me, for a split second showing me his usual smile despite the messed up situation.

I swallowed hard and took a second to hesitate. They were alright right; I really had been nothing but trouble since the beginning, so why Kenshi was standing up for me was a complete mystery. And now this. I pressed my lips together in annoyance before for once doing as told and stepped outside with Hiro following me. The second the door closed, the yelling started anew.

''You should probably go back to your tent.'' Hiro frowned and looked at the door behind us, looking rather worried about the chaotic situation.

''Sorry.'' I breathed, causing him to turn to look at me again.

''What?''

''… nothing.'' I murmured and started walking, reminding myself to find my usual defensive shell and wear it. Weakness had never solved anything after all. In reality, it might have been what had messed this up so badly and by now, I didn't know how to fix it.

_It's just a spark  
But it's enough to keep me going  
And when it's dark out, no one's around  
It keeps glowing_

Every night I try my best to dream  
Tomorrow makes it better  
Then I wake up to the cold reality  
And not a thing has changed - Paramore

''What the hell is wrong with you?!'' It was the first words that left my mouth the second he stepped inside my tent. I couldn't explain why exactly I was angry, maybe even enormously confused, but I had to at least try to make him realize what a bad idea this was.

''Hey.'' He sighed with a smile and looked as exhausted as ever.

I stared at him in disbelief as he acted so calm and watched him as he almost fell down on the mattress. His hands went up and covered his face, his long fingers spreading out on his forehead while he let out a long exhale. I felt my fire fueled by anger diminish before going out completely as I watched him. I exhaled through my nose and sat down next to him, keeping my eyes on his covered face. Once he felt my weight on the mattress, his hands moved down, slowly exposing his face and the tired expression he wore.

''Do you always act like this?'' I asked softly.

His eyes found mine and he shook his head shortly. ''No… ''He murmured and closed his eyes.

''Then, what's going on?''

''Honestly, I'm not sure I can really explain it… I just won't accept it.''

''You shouldn't stick your neck out for me.''

I watched him while the silence spread between us.

_Why are you doing this?_

I let out a soft breath. Why was it so hard to understand what was going on inside his head? I used to be good at reading people but then everything clouded, my opinion on my fellow humans turning grim and harsh. Wasn't he the one who was supposed to show me some light? That everything wasn't lost? I chewed on my lip while getting lost in my thoughts. Nothing was safe to say but, for whatever reason, I needed him. I needed his presence, his stupid smile and his optimism I couldn't understand how he had kept intact.

''Can you do me a favor?''

His voice interrupted my trail of thoughts and I looked at him a tad startled. He still had his eyes closed, which I was honestly rather thankful for, seeing as I had practically been staring at him all this time.

''Yeah…'' I mumbled, a slight rush of heat appearing in my cheeks.

''Can I just… Can I just lay here for a bit? I'm so tired…'' He breathed, already sounding like he was half asleep.

I stared at him in surprise over seeing this sudden sight of vulnerability. My glance softened and I let out a breath. ''Yeah, okay…'' I murmured as I studied him and watched as his face relaxed, the lines on his forehead disappearing. For the first time since I had gotten here, I wondered how exhausted he probably was. ''I don't get you. I'm nothing but trouble…'' I muttered to myself while listening to his steady breathing. ''I need you to show me why I should trust people again…''

I don't know how long I sat there and watched him. In some ways, I didn't really care, seeing as I had nothing better to do and the peaceful expression he wore was oddly relaxing. When I finally forced my eyes off him, I busied myself with taking care of my wound. Checking for infection and rewrapping clean bandage around it, hoping it would heal a bit quicker. It was then the silence came back. I sat still, listening to the steady breathing next to me while, for the first time in what felt like years, my mind was empty. I closed my eyes, relishing the silence and the missing thoughts that always clouded my mind. It reminded me of when it was easier to control my own thoughts and back when I wasn't guilt ridden by everything I had gone through and seen, back when things were simpler. My glance moved back to Kenshi, watching his chest rise and fall steadily, and I quickly made a decision.

_I can't let him do this. _

Before really settling on anything concrete and figuring out what to do, I stood up. My pulse was strangely calm considering the situation. I grabbed my nearby backpack, quickly but quietly packing what little I owned inside the tent. I hesitated before grabbing the first aid kit, not interested in stealing from people who had helped me but I knew I was going to need it sooner or later. Clustered thoughts reappeared in my head, all going in different directions while they debated wherever my idea was good or downright horrible. I didn't wait for them to decide and quickly headed out before I could change my mind.

Despite it, I still stopped. Drawing a soft breath, I looked at him for one last time and promised myself that I would remember him like that, peacefully sleeping. Then, swallowing hard, I exited the tent. It wasn't until then that my heart started to race and the reality of the situation hit me.

_I'm doing him a favor. __**I'm doing him a fucking favor**__. _

I told myself over and over with each step I took which brought me further away from the tent. I approached the gate with determined steps but my heart was racing in my ribcage and I wondered if the people could see how conflicted I was starting to feel. But there was no going back, not now. As if to promote my decision, the two men at the gate didn't say a word as they saw me approach and had the gate open as I got there. I stared at them both as I passed them, figuring Riki must have had instructed them earlier, judging from their hateful stares, and I didn't hesitate to get out of there, pulse drumming in my ears.

The light wasn't as bad as last time and even before I had heard the heavy rain, I figured it had to be cloudy. Frankly, I didn't care. I just had to get away. Once I took the steps which lead me out into the rain, I let out a long exhale, for once grateful for the rain and the feeling of it washing everything away. Never mind that I would be cold later, the only thing that mattered what the amazing feeling of it running down my face. I took a moment to simply stand there and finally moved when I felt recharged, making my way up the wet, dirt road. It hadn't been raining long enough to turn into proper mud, but it was still tedious to walk in, especially when going uphill. As I could see the road up ahead, my eyes scanned the area quickly. Much to my surprise, it seemed to be walker free at the moment but you could never really know how many there could be around you, so loud noises was something to avoid.

I came to my second stop as I stood on the road. If it hadn't been for the two abandoned cars, it could have seemed like any early summer day. A simple road, vacant of people, with green trees on one side and a grassy field on the other. I got a feeling that it would have been nice to have driven here and relax on the field, but those days were long gone.

A shudder ran through my body, reminding me to move unless I wanted to get cold quickly. The first instinct I had was to check the closets car, a green SUV which had seen better days, and I tried all the doors, making sure I was pulling them hard enough just in case they were stuck, but none of them budged. I cursed beneath my breath, my wet hair sticking to my skin as I looked around, hoping to find something else or I would have to walk. I moved to the second car and tried the same but the result was no different. While exhaling in defeat, I tipped my head upwards, welcoming the rain while I hoped it could clear my head for just a second.

It was then I had an idea.

I moved around the car, standing in front of the trunk. I took a deep breath and let both my hands search for the button or switch, or whatever mechanism would pop it open. They fumbled along the curve of the trunk while the rain dripped from the tips of my hair. I let out a quiet groan in frustration and then my fingers finally found the rusty button. I pressed it down, struggling to force it down, and much to my surprise, there was a soft clunk and it opened. I stared at it in awe for a moment before I opened it enough for me to be able to crawl inside. I closed the trunk with a heavy thud behind me, thankful of not being the tallest person in the world, and pushed my way over the backseat, far from elegantly. I left my backpack in the backseat and moved to the front, struggling to get into the right position so I could lie on my back with my head down at the pedals. I started working on getting the plastic panel loose and was already recalling how to hotwire the car when the doors unlocked.

I froze completely, not daring to move even the slightest. My eyes flew to the passenger's window, seeing nothing but the rain crashing against class. My eyes moved to the driver's window but besides not really being able to see anything from my position, nothing seemed to move. Even so, I stayed still, terrified of seeing and making any sudden movements. My eyes flickered between the two windows while I held my breath.

Telling myself it was nothing, my focus returned to trying to claw the panel open but my focus quickly shifted again once one of the doors in the back opened. Knowing it was impossible to avoid a conflict now; I drew the knife from my belt and sat up while pushing myself into the Passenger's seat, putting as much distance between me and what I was up against.

''Wha…'' I breathed and stared at him in surprise; just now noticing how quickly my chest was rising and falling because of my fanatic pulse.

He stared at me in silence while he got in, angrily sitting down on the backseat and then pushing the button on the remote, making the doors lock again.

I couldn't believe it, how the hell had he-

''Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?'' He looked at me, his eyebrows set in a deep frown, and his voice was low and calm, but I could hear the slight anger making it shake. ''Because you're getting very close to succeeding.'' He grumbled.

I was too dumbstruck to say anything, let alone trying to come up with a plausible excuse or explanation. Instead I stared at him in surprise, noticing how drenched he was and slightly out of breath. Had he been running? My silence made him sigh in frustration and he quickly pinched the bridge of his nose.

''How the hell did you even get in the car?''

I blinked. ''The trunk was unlocked.''

''Goddammit, Hiro.'' He groaned disgruntled and hung his head before letting his hand run through his wet hair. ''I thought we had gone over this, I-''

''I can't let you leave.'' I blurted out my honest feelings and felt my face heat up despite being cold from the rain. I pressed my lips together in frustration, no way I was getting out of this one without being honest, and before he could say anything, which he clearly was, I spoke again. ''Look, you have a home here, or whatever you'll it, I can't just let you leave that behind because you have some strange right furious idea about saving me.''

A silence followed my words and we simply sat in the car, staring at each other while the rain drummed against the metal roof and the windows. The way his eyes shifted from anger to something completely opposite made me catch my breath. His expression softened greatly and if I had known him better, I would have thought he was emotionally hurting.

''I'm not letting you go on your own.'' He breathed. His voice small and soft and his eyes had a fitting expression in them. ''I said I wanted to help you and I'm not going back on my word.''

''I don't get you…'' I mumbled. ''I don't get _why_ you keep doing this, keep helping me…''

''… Because I want to fix you, is that so bad?''

I felt my lip quiver faintly, _why are you smiling so softly at me now, you idiot_?

''You're probably going to protest and tell me that you can't be fixed but I don't believe it. I can't fix everything and I can't promise anything but I just want to make you smile again. Please just let me and stop running away from me.''

''But what if you can't, Kenshi? Then I'll be nothing but a regret.'' My voice was unusually small and vulnerable, surprising even myself as I heard it.

''Then, at least I tried, but I'll never regret trying.''

I fell silent and cast my eyes down as I couldn't find anything to say. He was as stubborn about this as I was and I was running out of arguments and ideas for new. My lips moved without any sound while the knife was left at my feet so both my hands could run through my soaked hair. My glance found him again as he shifted in the backseat. He moved rather clumsily to the driver's seat and slumped down in it.

''Right, let's get going then.''

''Wait, we're driving?'' I asked in surprise and watched as he fumbled with the keys.

''Well, as far as the gas is going to take us. Once we run out, we'll scavenge whatever area we'll be in at the time.'' He spoke and brought them car alive. The motor complained and groaned before sounding like I remembered. It was a strange feeling of nostalgia.

''Right…'' I mumbled and looked out the window as the car started moving. Despite the rain obscuring the view, seeing the row of trees outside move and blend into one, green, blurry row through the rain drops on the window made me fall silent. I sat there, clustered thoughts racing through my mind, and tried to find something to say. A feeling I knew as something warm and which had once made my skin tingle showed itself in my stomach and I felt my face turn pale. I didn't need things to turn complicated between us just because I couldn't help but feel slightly special because of all he done for me in a mere week. Even so, I couldn't quite keep myself from it.

''Sorry…'' I mumbled after a long silence but I kept my stare fixated on the outside, which was turning dark. It reminded me of the still wet clothes I was wearing and I couldn't help but shudder. ''I'm sorry. I thought… no, I still think that you're crazy for insisting on coming along, so I wanted to take off without you. Then you wouldn't be leaving all of this for some stupid risk…'' I murmured and removed a few, wet strands of hair from my face. ''I'm not used to people giving a shit about what I do or what I don't… not anymore at least.'' I sighed and finally made myself look at him. He looked calm enough as he had been listening to me talk. Rain was still dripping from the tips of his hair and he was probably as cold as I was.

''Just tell me one thing. Where were you headed? You don't know where our other base is, so you couldn't be trying to reach is without any knowledge.'' He asked while his eyes stayed focused on the road.

I stared at him in silence before I averted my eyes. ''… Nowhere.'' I lied. ''I didn't have a plan. I just wanted to get away before I would change my mind or have you notice that I was gone.''

''You-''

''Hey, Kenshi, you there?'' A voice came from the backseat and it sounded like it was coming from a radio. I recognized the voice as Hiro's and I eyed Kenshi in confusion.

''Can you reach my bag? The walkie-talkie should be attached to the side of it.''

''Yeah… sure…'' I mumbled and bent around before sitting on my knees in the seat so I could reach the bag. I pulled the bag closer to me while Hiro's voice appeared again, this time closer to me. ''Kenshi, come on!'' He groaned through the speaker while I got the bag turned around and found the walkie-talkie. I brought it back with my and let out a slight huff as I fell back down in the passenger seat. ''Here.'' I hummed and handed him the walkie-talkie.

''Thanks.'' He mumbled as his eyes flickered to locate my hand and his right hand quickly went to grab it. ''It's me.'' He spoke as he pressed the button on the side down and released it afterwards, waiting a few seconds for the reply.

''Where are you? The boss want's to speak with you.'' Hiro questioned and Kenshi quickly grimaced. It was then I realized that they didn't know that he had left yet.

''You can still turn around and go back.'' I spoke and looked straight at him.

A short silence followed before he shook his head. ''No, I already told you-''

''But Kenshi-''

''I'll be back in less than two weeks.'' He spoke while holding down the button.

The reply came almost instantly.

''Back? Wait, you already left?! Are you insane?!'' Hiro's voice stuttered through the static, somehow sounding like his confusion and even slight anger made it sound like that. ''Riki will rip you head off if he gets the chance!''

''Well, he won't get to, not yet… Look, I'm sorry for not saying anything. Things kinda got a little…'' He paused shortly and his glance met mine for a split second. ''… Hectic.'' He sighed.

''Let me guess, she ran away or something…'' Hiro sighed over the walkie-talkie but his once Kenshi didn't say anything, a snort followed as he figured out he was right. ''… Seriously? I like her more and more.''

''Hiro-'' Kenshi started but I snatched the walkie-talkie from him.

I didn't hesitate to push down the button while Kenshi protested next to me. ''I tried to sneak off without him because I didn't want him to leave you guys behind, please don't be mad at him, but he's driving right now so-''

''No, don't say that!'' Kenshi grimaced as he looked at me.

''Driving? Wait, you took one of the cars?'' Hiro's excited voice followed quickly.

''Shit…'' Kenshi groaned defeated and slumped back in his seat.

I stared at him in confusion but it was somewhat cleared once Hiro spoke, this time laughing.

''You really took one of the cars? Riki's definitively going to rip your head off now!''

''He most definitively will.'' Kenshi muttered beneath his breath.

''Why is that such a big problem?'' I asked, trying to clear some of my confusion.

''How many working cars do you see these days?''

''Yeah okay, I can see why…'' I mumbled.

''Hand me the Walkie-talkie.'' I gave it to him again. ''Hey, Hiro…''

''Yeah?''

''Can you tell the other's about this without making it sound like a big deal? Then get Takuto to radio the other camp and tell them we're coming, maybe even bringing guests in case the raiders are going to be a problem.''

''Yeah, on it.''

''Great, thanks… Do you remember if Takuto fixed the range problem we had on these things?''

''Uh… he said something about it having a dead zone between our base and the other's, but the zone shouldn't be as big as before.''

''Alright. We should be fine if we can keep the car running then.''

''You should, yes. So, uh, the usual deal about contact?''

''Yeah… I'll contact you later.''

''Good, I'm out then.''

''Yeah, out.''

A silence followed Kenshi's last words and we were back to listening to the rain hit the car, the one functioning window wiper screeching across the driver's side of the windshield and the motor running. Somehow, they all mixed together as a rhythm and it was strangely relaxing.

''There's a cabin we usually use whenever we take supply runs or go to the other bases, and I think we should spend the night there.'' Our eyes met shortly as we both glanced at the other person. ''I'm not risking either of us getting sick because of our wet clothes.''

In a mix of exhaustion, being cold and him sounding pretty determined, I didn't bother to say anything else besides a low 'alright' and nod. I leaned my head against the cold window and let out a slow exhale while I closed my eyes.


End file.
